Taking the plunge...

I realise I haven't finished telling my story, but I just had to mention this. I rang my mother tonight and asked her for everything she knew about my father. It was precious little, as it turned out. Traceline like to have a date of birth, but she can't even remember that.

Going on what little information she had, I've filled out Traceline's online form, paid my £75 via PayPal, and await a result. They reckon they can do it in 1-5 working days, though some have found it takes nearer six weeks.

Ulp.

My Story, Part VII

Bill Oddie's mother was committed to a mental hospital for most of his childhood. He only had dim recollections of exactly what happened to her, which were filled in by family and friends during the course of the programme. His story can be read in outline here.

It was a sad and moving programme, but what really made me sit up and take note was the fact that Oddie has recently suffered two breakdowns. In counselling, it became apparent that issues with his mother were likely to be a contributory factor, having lain dormant for some years. Part of his motivation to make the programme was to deal with those issues.

Well, what about me? Admittedly, I had suffered no trauma when young concerning my father. The fact it was upsetting me so much now gave me pause, though. Was I heading for a breakdown too?

Despite having all the reasons in the world to have brought the matter up with my mother - she and I were watching it, and it could have been such a good way in to the whole issue - I didn't.

Coming to terms with fatherlessness

This article recommends telling your absent father, whether in person or role-play, how you feel about him - to mourn and grieve him.

Can't help thinking that is what I need to do. Perhaps to do that first, before trying to get in touch with him.

My Story, Part VI

I was very emotionally rattled and stirred up by this little incident. I guess it always takes you by surprise when a child manages to seemingly be perceptive beyond their years.

Initially I tried to pay no attention to the whole business. After all, I had done that fairly effectively before. Nevertheless, it quietly ate away at me.

I found myself becoming upset for no real reason, and feeling sad if I had nothing to occupy myself with. I'm not a naturally morose or pessimistic character, but that was what I was turning into.

I steeled myself for talking to my mother about it. Having asked her about it when I was twelve, I knew some of the details. Not the most important one though - his name.

We went to visit my parents for the weekend. This would be the ideal time to speak to her.

While we were there, we were watching TV and the programme Who Do You Think You Are? was on, featuring Bill Oddie. He is famous for being one of the Goodies but is better known now for his nature programmes.

...to be continued...